Amazing

Well, my roots are getting unruly already. I can't believe it. How did I go 6 months again? I'm doing my hair today and I'm hoping it only takes me a few hours. I mean, the roots are hardly as bad as last time, so this should fly by, right? I hope so. I can get some laundry done in the meantime. Let's see what I've learned/noticed about my locs this past month. It seems as though the locs that I combined are thriving!!! They are maturing so quickly! I guess maybe they were too small? I dunno. And I'm STILL finding locs that are too small! They may not be able to be joined because the locs around it are already as big as I want them. And I'm ok with that. We'll see. Truth is (I'm listening to India.Arie to prepare for doing my hair), I have no complaints. I do have some questions and concerns though, and I'll list them here:

1. Baby hair/hairline: I have taken pics and I'll load them into my Fotki album eventually, but I'm so confused by this part of my hair. Most of it is baby hair, but not all of it. Do I start a new loc or just leave it be? I don't want to thin out my hairline. And I only by locking did I realize that most of it WAS baby hair. If you look thru my fotki, you'll see where I obsess about my edges. Well, I realize that it's just baby hair. But not all of it. And I'm not quite sure what to do. Right now, I'm just letting it be. Ok, not totally true. On the left, I put a new loc. It's really small, though, and I suspect I'll take it out. I dunno. I kinda forgot about it; I need to take a pic of it. Anyway, that's that. As far as my hairline, it seems like the hair is breaking off out of the locs or something. There is hair that is just out there along my hairline. I'm just leaving it be because there really isn't anything else I can do with it. The question is, why is it breaking off out of the locs???
   
2. Holes: I don't even know what to say about these. I thought I read on NP that it was just a part of the process, but this doesn't seem right. :( One of my girlfriends (who has SL's) told me to latch THROUGH the hole, like the hair on the sides of the hole to close the hole. So of COURSE this would be one of the locs that is still really small and trying to close the hole on that would be a nightmare for me and my latch-hook. She told me that I need to get some big-eyed-flat-end sewing needle. Totally testing my skills. I think people still believe I know what I'm doing. WTF am I gon' do with a needle??? I can't even picture how that works in my head. *sigh* Ok, I kinda can, but it does seem a little complicated.
3. My ends: Ok, I know, I know, patience, the ends will seal. I dunno what's going on up there. As I type this, I realize that there are some locs whose ends seem to want to seal. Actually, wait a minute, I'm having an epiphany. The truth is, some of my ends have sealed because I have some locs that are fully loc'd. And I don't totally understand this, either. Ok, back of my head, left side, bottom-most loc... this one is fully loc'd, well, almost. there is still a little bit of hair hanging off the end, not part of the ends, really, more like fuzzy hair sticking out, if that makes any sense. But there is no braid pattern. And it's SO much shorter than it used to be. And now that I feel back there, all the locs along the edge back there are almost fully loc'd, no braid pattern. Then I have locs that are huge and fuzzy beyond belief. I don't remember if that's what the ones in the back looked like at first or not, but they are lightweight out of control, lol. They don't look like braids and they don't look like locs, either. I'm going to have to take pictures of them, too. and when I set my hair on rollers the other day (no pics, only set for a few hours and they fell in as much time) I noticed that I couldn't stretch the curly-q's out in some parts. Some parts of my head they stretched right on out, but most of them didn't. It was weird, but I now I realize that they are trying to stick together so they can seal. I get it. Ok. Nevermind on this point.

Ok, I think that's it. I think after I latch my hair this time, instead of putting them in big twists as I make progress, I'm going to put them in bantu knots. Then after a day or so, I'll let them out for a knot-out. I'm hoping it comes out really cute!

Private Party

That's the name of my locs' theme song. I listened to India.Arie's Testimony CD during most of my latching; that CD is the soundtrack to The Orgy. :) But Private Party is OUR song. Our special song, me and my locs. Because it was a totally private party. And though I've shared it with people, I know it doesn't mean quite the same to anyone else what it means to me. And I'm OK with that. I love that CD, I really do. It's my favorite of hers. And that song... whew! Let me C&P the lyrics...

"Private Party"
by India.Arie

[Chorus]
I'm having a private party
Ain't no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar singin' baby look how far we've come here
I'm havin' a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I've become, yeah

I tried to call my mother, but
She didn't get where I was going
I called my boyfriend and he said
Call me back a little later baby
I hung up the phone, I felt so alone
Started to feel a little pity
That's when I realized that I
Gotta find the joy inside of me

[Chorus]

I'm gonna take off all my clothes
Look at myself in the mirror
We're gonna have a conversation
We're gonna heal the disconnection
I don't remember when it started
But this is where it's gonna end
My body is beautiful and sacred
And I'm gonna celebrate it

[Chorus]

All my life (all my life)
I've been looking for (I've been looking for)
Somebody else (else)
To make me whole (ooo)
But I had to learn the hard way (ooo)
True love began with me (ooo)
This is not ego or vanity (ooo)
I'm just celebrating me

[Chorus]

Sometimes I'm alone but never lonely
That's what I've come to realize
I've learned to love the quiet moments
The Sunday mornings of life
Where I can reach deep down inside
Or out into the universe
I can laugh until I cry
Or I can cry away the hurt

[Chorus]

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday

[Chorus 2x]

Man, I LOVE that song!!! I can relate it to so many aspects of me (including body image, especially with my weight struggles), but when I was latching, it was all about my hair. How for years there WAS a disconnect. I had to get to a point where I could embrace my nappy hair and the way I see it now, locs are a perfect way to celebrate that beauty. I feel like right now, I'm going through a transformation: my body from the weight-loss and my hair as well. And while I'd normally say I was the same person inside, I know this isn't true. Both of these experiences are changing me. I'm becoming more patient with myself in all aspects. I'm learning how to allow myself to make mistakes and learn from them. I'm learning how to accept that I'm not perfect, and that's OK. And the biggest thing I've learned is a setback or mistake does not mean I have to give up. Now that I type this blog, it isn't surprising to me that locking my hair and shedding this excess weight are happening concurrently. And at first, I was annoyed that my weight-loss stats showed up in this blog. I wanted them to only show up in My Fantastic Voyage; I wanted hair stats in THIS blog. But now that I have typed all this out, I realize that it's all interconnected anyway, so no matter. For the first time in a long time, I just feel like everything is falling into place, like I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. And it feels good. Praise YAH!!!!

Well, I've yet to style my locs, so I'm about to give them a good rinsing and then I'm going to set them on sponge rollers. Hopefully it'll be cute! :)